Its been a very long time since I’ve posted anything and I miss you, my readers. The last four months have changed me immensely. I’ve been doing a lot of thinking, living, and changing.
I’ve grown into who I am more than ever. Most of my life I’ve lived in a space of fear. Fear that I wouldn’t be perfect. Fear that I wouldn’t meet my family’s standards. Fear that I wasn’t good enough. Just fear of everything imaginable. Overall, I feared being myself and tried to be everything to everyone else.
In my life, I’ve shrunk myself to be safe and so others would be comfortable around me (as if being short, big, and black wasn’t enough). I wanted to be invisible in comparison to others. I never wanted too much attention on me and what I was doing.
I realized that what I’ve been trying not to be is exactly what God called me to be.
My birthday was at the end of August and I turned 26 years old. I definitely feel 30 vastly approaching. It's that time of year where I become introspective more than usual about my life and how I’m living it. I looked at where I am and where I want to be. I had to reflect on the past five years and knew I definitely didn’t want to go down that path for the next five years of my life.
I had to pray to God that I would be true to myself and my dreams, not just this year but for years to come, because shrinking myself has gotten me nowhere near the life I want to live. I have to be responsible for my own happiness, peace, and love.
In the past, I talked a good game, but clearly the fruit I have tells a completely different story about the type of seeds that I’ve sown in my life. They reveal to me that they were sown with fear.
I will tell you that God is awesome and has held me to my prayer since. He has been working greatly in my life (like always). I’ve had my issues lately, but I know that they are just Him pruning me for the season to come. This in fact brings me much joy with every sudden change.
Living a life based on love doesn’t mean things are perfect, but what ever happens I know everything will be alright. When people see you changing for the better they’re not always happy for you or they no longer want you around, but that’s okay too. Fear is what makes you hold on, but truth and love allows you to let go and allow God to replace those rocks with rubies and diamonds.
Anyway, I hope that you are glad that I’m back because I’m glad to be back. I have plenty of things to share with you from the past few months, along with the things I have yet to experience.
Have you gone through a major change recently? Please share any new discoveries (or old) you’ve had about yourself and life changing moments in the comments.