Tomorrow, officially marks my first complete year in New York City and very few people know the things I’ve been through in detail. My own parents don’t even know how I’ve gone days without eating much, was homeless, and almost found myself in precarious situations, but I just have to live here. It was my dream… or a part of my dream as a journalist/writer/businesswoman.
I must say that with all that I’ve been through good and bad I have been my happiest and felt the most free in my life. An author, Danielle LaPorte, talks a lot about core desired feelings in her book Desire Map. Through following her on social media and her website looking back and forth at the feeling I’ve chased the most in my life it has always been freedom.
I moved across the country for college because I wanted to be free. I’ve made decisions in relationships (romantic and platonic) because I wanted to feel free. I realize I make a lot of decisions based on freedom that weren’t rational. There are some other underline issues stemming from that but whatever.
This past year here has given me a new sense of freedom and adventure. I’m so grateful for it because the freedom has allowed me to grow and find myself exponentially as a woman.
Looking back I still remember getting on my flight with $8 in my bank account, Burger King french fries in my stomach, and a dream in my heart. All I could do is pray… and read… and journal. I had nowhere to stay and two interviews the next day. After landing and making a few phone calls I wound up sleeping (even though I didn’t get much sleep) in the cold airport lobby area. Oddly enough there were a lot of people doing the same thing coming off of international flights, but they were waiting on loved ones while I was simply alone. I got my things together in the early morning, changed my clothes (and underwear), brushed my teeth/washed my face in the sink, and applied make-up ready to go on about my day.
I’m still unsure how I was able to afford a metro card to this day but I lugged myself, two suitcases, a bag, and my purse to Long Island City for my first interview- a customer service job. Then did all of it again into the city, Herald Square to be specific, for an interview with Madame Noire for an unpaid internship. I got lost, sweating profusely in the dead cold of winter from pulling my bags, and was super late. I trekked on anyway determined to make it there. When I finally made it my interviewer had left and I was hungry.
I talked my way into the library, the security wouldn’t let me in with my luggage. The lady was nice enough to keep it safely at the front for me while I used my laptop to email and find more jobs to go to. Eventually, I got in touch with a couple of friends and met up with one who fed me chocolate covered almonds, soda, and other random snacks until she got off work at 11 pm. Then we had to take the A train from the Lincoln Center to Far Rockaway.
I was able to shower and sleep in her chair for the night to gear up for the next day of interviews and things of the such.
I was a fighter, but I’ll admit I was also kind of clueless about what I was doing.
That was just my first day… stay tuned for Part 2.